I poke fun at my country and often say that China is winning. So today, I went to a website visited daily by millions of Americans just to keep up with current events.
According to TMZ, this is what Americans care about today:
Story 1- Reese Witherspoon’s infamous “you are going to know who I am,” moment. Ah Reese, so nice to see you putting into practice all that legal knowledge from your Legally Blonde movies.
Apparently, millions of Americans care about a washed-up actress who thinks she’s better than all the sheep who watch her movies. Your husband was drunk, shut the fuck up and obey the cop. Newsflash- Georgia cops don’t give a fuck about Hollywood.
Story 2- “Teen Mom Farrah Working Another Pole” HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Here is a girl who was on television for breeding too early. When her tiny pinch of fame began to dissipate, she decided to follow in the steps of Kim Kardashian and make a fuck movie.
BRILLIANT. Hey America, all you have to do for fame is fuck somebody, video tape it and then pretend you had no idea your bleached asshole was on the internet.
Story 3- Only 3 Words Necessary– LINDSAY…..FUCKING….LOHAN. I didn’t get past the headline, but I assume it has to do with court, drugs, lawyer and rehab.
In the interest of time, I’m going to stop there because the next stories are essentially a regurgitation of the first ones. Only the names are different.
So America, don’t bitch when China takes over and we are eating fried golden retriever puppy nuggets, taking rickshaws to work at a factory making cheap, plastic toys for Wal Mart.
I warned you. China is still winning.