(While reading this, keep in mind that somewhere inside her New Orleans mansion, Anne Rice is pulling her fucking hair out)
So, it appears that Kristen Stewart may in fact be a dirty, little whore.
The pictures of her butt snuggling with a married man were not photo shopped and she actually admitted cheating on her vampire boyfriend Robert.
Hold the fucking phone!!!
How could she do such a dastardly thing? How could she betray such a wonderful vampire????
WHO FUCKING CARES!!!! Holy shit people, get a fucking life already.
VAMPIRES ARE NOT REAL. I repeat, VAMPIRES ARE NOT REAL.
But don’t freak out too much, for all you know Stephanie Meyer may have added this plot twist for the next movie.
I know how difficult it can be for people to separate reality from movies, but the vampire world is a very intricate one.
On page 37 of The Vampires are Probably Real handbook; it states that “reality is truly the creation of the believer.”
So wipe those tears away, clean up that runny nose and text all your friends that there could be a new Vampire Rising.
What could that mean you ask? Duh, what if Kristen bit that guy she cheated on Robert with? That means he’s a vampire now.
Holy Shit, now all you freaks have to decide on Team Edward, Team Jacob or Team Cheater Guy.
Oh dear, I can smell your desperation and it reeks.