Fifty Shades of Lame

Well, DUH’America did it again.  Brevard County in Melbourne, Fl banned the ridiculously popular Shades of Grey book from its libraries.

Yep, that’s right, apparently Brevard County is waging a war against all the pathetic, attention lacking, pre-menopausal, middle-aged women in their county.  How can any county government wage a public war against women like this?

I feel absolutely terrible that these poor, desperately in need of self-esteem women can’t check out a book that helps them diddle themselves.

I’m still trying to figure out why people are still going to libraries and checking books out.  Don’t these women realize they can use Google search and find all the fantasies they want right from their home computers?

Honestly, I haven’t read the book, but I gather it helps deprived women return sexual fluids to their barren vaginas.

If I were Brevard County, I would be terrified at pissing these women off.  These are the same women who avidly support the fast food, tanning bed and the Dollar General industries in the area.

This could be worse than the Great Depression.

Banning books is fucking ridiculous and accomplishes absolutely nothing.

I’ve lived in Florida most of my life and here are some things that could be banned instead that would truly help out all Floridians:

  • People from Ontario should be banned from driving in our state.  Not a damn day goes by when one of these Ontarian idiots gets in my way on the roads.
  • People eating at McDonald’s more than once per week.  Do I even need to explain this one???
  • New Banks– Do we really need any more banks popping up on every vacant corner?  If the economy sucks so badly, why in the fuck do we need more banks???
  • Old People– All old people should be banned from leaving their homes during business hours.  They just fart all the time and get in the way.

Sorry Brevard County, but this is more like “Fifty Shades of Lame.”  Leave those poor, needy women alone and let them get off for free.  Don’t make them buy their porn.

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