Hey Oprah

Shit, that’s not Oprah….

Hey Oprah– Give it up, nobody gives a shit about you anymore.  You have your own network, wow, very impressive.

Impressive until you actually gave Rosie O’Donnell a show on it.  Thanks though for actually realizing just how shitty O’Donnell is and for cancelling her show.

Hey Oprah– your fat, your skinny, your dieting, your fat again, your skinny again.  Who gives a fuck about what you shove in your mouth?

If I had a sixteenth the money you have, I would eat Philly Cheese steaks for breakfast and chase them with mayonnaise milk shakes.

Just admit it……..you like to eat food, a lot of food.  It’s ok, you are a good American.

Hey Orpah– PLEASE STOP GIVING GIFTS TO RICH MIDDLE-AGED WHITE WOMEN.

Hey Oprah– are you really fucking that guy Stedman who lives in your guest house or is he really just a front for you to hide the fact that you enjoy licking O’Donnell’s snatch every night?

Come on, tell the truth, no one would really be surprised.  I’m guessing that’s the blackmail she used to get a show on your network because she’s about as interesting and funny as rectal cancer.

Hey Oprah– The only way I would watch your show again is if you have Geraldo Rivera on, shave his mustache while playing naked Twister with him, put the stache clippings on an extra large slice of pizza and feed it to Jay Leno while he tries to asphyxiate himself with a Doritos bag.

Hey Oprah– I really don’t hate you.  I just hate the depraved culture that created you.

It’s not your fault and to tell the truth, if I were you, I probably would be doing the same thing.  But I’d be way cooler and controversial.

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4 thoughts on “Hey Oprah

    • I think that would be incredibly. Disgusting, but incredible to see. Come on, you can’t tell me you don’t pass by car wrecks hoping to see a little blood. Same thing here.

      • Actually, when I pass a car wreck I’m thinking….”Why the fuck did everyone slow down? I’m trying to get to work on time, assholes!”

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