So Tired of Cougars

I apologize in advance if the following post makes me sound like I’m full of vitriol, hate and confusion about a certain female subculture; but that’s just how I feel:

Forgive me if this is redundant, but I’m damn sick of cougars.  Once or twice a month, the downtown area where I live has a public get together with street vendors, food, bands and other festival like shit.  It attracts a good sized crowd and I truly wanted to beat the hell out of about 99.9% of the people there.

Of all the annoying people, I have to say I was ready and willing to kill all the cougar moms and here’s why:

  • Ugh boots– I live in Florida, totally un-fucking-necessary, we turn our heat on maybe twice a year
  • Fake Tits– come on, isn’t silicon played out by now?  Can’t wait until you are 55, but your tits are 20, AWESOME
  • Too Tight Jeans– stop wearing your 14 year-old daughters jeans for christ sakes, enough already
  • Big Sunglasses– really? Jackie O is dead and her glasses died with her
  • The term “cougar– it’s not cute, or fancy, it really means you are a whore who is tired of her husband fucking his secretaries
  • Your Douche Bag Husbands– holy shit, easy with the diamond studded jeans, Ed Hardy shirts and Rolex watches, you are just breeders to them, put on the earth to raise their sons to become high school quarterbacks
  • Your wine drinking-stop being pussies and drink some liquor, it masks the insecurities better anyway
  • Your Soul– never mind, you don’t have one

Cougars, soccer moms, whatever you want to call them, need to be stopped.  They are destroying our ozone one pair of bad sunglasses at a time.  If women of any age consider themselves a cougar, they might as well just run around with a sign that says, “Fuck Me Please, It Will Make Me Feel Good About Myself.”

Am I the only one who feels this way?

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4 thoughts on “So Tired of Cougars

  1. @sandi: thanks for reading. I’m glad you understand, I couldn’t make this up. All you have to do is go into any grocery store, bar or mall and watch the cougars frolic.

    @uncle phin: thanks again for reading. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I will always shoot directly from the hip, without fail.

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