Office Fantasies

I know there are millions of people working in jobs they don’t like.  I’m guessing that many of them have fantasies of things they would love to say or do to their co-workers and bosses, but just can’t.  Here are a few of mine, please feel free to share yours:

  • I’m glad you enjoyed your coffee this morning because I got to the office early and jerked off in it.  Enjoy
  • Follow people as they go to the bathroom, when they get done, follow them back to their desks spraying them with Lysol.
  • Every time I walk into someone’s office to ask a question, I would adjust my cock and balls repeatedly, then say, “thanks for your help”
  • Send a company wide email thanking my boss for letting me borrow his Gold Bond Medicated Powder
  • During a staff meeting, blurt out, no fucking way every time my boss finishes a sentence.
  • Every time the company asshole, and we all have one, says something, give him/her a titty twister
  • Walk into the person’s office who has a jar of candy or mints, put my hand down my pants then grab some
  • Go to the bathroom and leave the door cracked open while you shit
  • Go into the bathroom, take out the plunger and lay it on the employee’s desk who is OCD with the hand sanitizer (inspired by the Seinfeld episode where Elaine rubbed the keyboard on her ass)
  • In an terribly racist Asian voice say, “me love you long time” every time you answer the phone
  • Give someone a wet-willy
  • Go from office to office asking everyone what a fecalpheliac is.

Yes, I am bored at work today.  I’m actually very clean and would probably never do any of those things, but it would be funny.  Gross, but funny.  Surely I’m not the only person with fantasies like this?????


3 thoughts on “Office Fantasies

  1. Well, in all honesty, I’d try one, with a significant other. On the OTHER hand..I’d get a can of the rankest smelling fart spray, set up the biggest asswipe of all, spray a dab of it as I walk by the fucking bitch/prick, all in a single fluid move and go back to my safe zone. Nobody would be the wiser. I’d be horselaughing it up with the majority and never feel a damn bit of guilt. People shouldn’t be fucking assholes for the hell of it. (just so happens I had a particular experience today. It took every fiber of my being to not tell his yankee ass off – and I’m a yankee – so there) Hell yeah, I’ve got several that would come to mind. SandyTongue, you’re fucking awesome man! I want more!

  2. A couple of things I have actually done are:
    1) Raised a waste basket high up in the air and drop it on the floor right next to a sleeping coworker. The look of sheer terror on his face and the knowledge that he probably pissed his pants were MOST satisfying.
    2) Used a coworker’s computer while he was on break to email his boss and tell him he makes too much money to teach him to lock his computer when he goes to break.

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