My “Go-Gay” List

I’m not a homosexual.  I’ve never kissed or had any type of sexual experience with a man in my life.

I was an athlete for many years and did take hundreds of showers with other naked men and never once became excited.  I know, that sounds like a lot of naked cock for one man to be around, but trust me, I never looked down.

I love boobs and always have.  I am very comfortable with my sexuality.

But, I can admit when a man is good looking and that brings me to my Go-Gay List.  The following is a list of men I would go-gay for.  Come on guys, don’t tell me you don’t have a list like this.

Bradley Cooper– no brainer here, those beautiful eyes, that quick sarcastic whit.  I would give him the best hangover he’s ever had.

While he is fit, he doesn’t strike me as an alpha male.  I think he’s definitely a bottom.  And I will forgive him for the A-Team movie.

Zach Galifinakas– I know, this may come as a shocker, but I have a reason for this choice.  Not everyone is as hot as Bradley Cooper.

There are times when everyone has a night where they get hammered, try to dance at a club and get incredibly sloppy and sweaty.  That’s where Zach fits in.  With him, you don’t have to worry about man-scaping or getting all pretty.

You can just let him stare at you with those comedic, crazy eyes and tongue every inch of his hairy Greek body.  Sure, you will feel violated the next morning trying to figure out why you keep coughing up cat-like hairballs.

Zach would be the ultimate “Oh my god, what did I do last night” booty bump.

Ryan Gosling– Don’t act like you didn’t know he would be on the list.  His abs are just delicious and he always has the sexy, quiet smile that could make the manliest man melt.

I would love to dip him in Vaseline, make him wear a leather ball-gag and party on his face with my manhood.  I would let him slap me a couple times.  He’s absolutely a top.

Tim Tebow– WOW, where to begin?  Of course I had to put an athlete in the group.

Any guy who praises God as much as Tim does must have some repressed homosexual fantasies swimming in the back of their mind.   I would love to meet him in the gym late one night and be his spotter as he benched pressed only wearing chartreuse boy shorts.

“Down, set, hut, hut.”  OMG, that would be so fun.  His tight pants, his hands crunched up under another man’s ass waiting to receive the ball.

There is so much gayness in football it drives me crazy.  After the game, we could both sit in the hot tub together soaking.  Wow, I’m suddenly a Jets fan.

Summary: I know you are probably scratching your head and wondering what I think about each night when I go to bed.

I can assure you that I am 100% straight, at least for now.  But, if my second wife ever leaves me, maybe I will switch sides.

No, seriously, I’m not gay.  Tell me you wouldn’t want to bang at least three of my choices above, regardless of what gender you are.  Come on, be honest.  I’m all for love no regardless of gender:)

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14 thoughts on “My “Go-Gay” List

  1. I’m comfortable enough with my own sexuality to like your post, but not comfy enough to come up with a list of my own. Seriously, I’d worry that you make a list, then a few months later, you’re belting out show tunes and wearing capri pants. I can’t afford a new wardrobe right now.

  2. Oh Hell no! While I can admit a man is good looking there has not been nor will there ever be enough alcohol on this planet for me to ever be sufficiently drunk to even admit to myself in my own mind that I might consider sex with a man, let alone provide proof to the impeachment committee of my deviance by posting a list.

  3. @1point: thanks for reading and commenting, I appreciate it. I’ve been looking for a pair of white capri pants for some time now, need to get a pair before my trip to Key West.

    @whatidesiretosay: oh hell yes, Bradley Cooper is dreamy and you know it. Just admit that you would rub him down with baby oil, admit it. Thanks for commenting.

  4. @nicolegodwin: thanks for reading and commenting. That is a great pic of Zach, I always love an androgynous one-piece. Seriously, I’m not even remotely gay, I just like to attempt humor and provide some discomfort for those who are easily offended.

  5. Love your list and love that you are secure enough to post this.
    I wonder where is Ryan Reynolds?
    I’m a lesbian and he does strange things to me.

  6. @nothingnice: thanks for reading and commenting, I appreciate it. Well, I decided to only have one Ryan, although Reynolds is mighty fine, Gosling is hotter right now. Let me guess, you can’t stop watching that movie with him and Sandra Bullock, the nude scene??? i get it

    @sassy: I hear you sister. Maybe I could get everyone on the list together for a game of “Strip-Twister”, that would be an absolute classic.

  7. Not one of the guys you listed does a thing for me, and I’m a chick! Though Zach’s swimsuit is pretty hot. I wonder if I could find one in my size, lol.

    No, these days I’m lusting after William Levy. Check out all the pics–he’s a hot hot man. I could lick the sweat offa him… http://www.google.com/search?q=william+levy&hl=en&prmd=imvnso&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=-w2NT-TIKc_o2gWexo2WDA&ved=0CE8QsAQ&biw=1024&bih=653

    Who could convince me to go to the other team? Well, I’ve always had a thing for Salma Hayek, Halle Berry, Michelle Rodriguez and Charlize Theron. Those four women are delicious.

  8. You think that way about Bradley Cooper’s eyes? No kidding. I’ve always thought he’s mildly cross-eyed or something. I can’t even understand why he’s that famous. 🙂 I like the movie A-Team, though.

    I read Ryan Gosling is the kind women would love to love forever; all the more for his character and personality. I believe you hit that one quite right. 🙂

    I’m having a ball reading your posts. You are hilarious and an excellent writer.

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