(This is inspired by living in Florida almost my whole life and dealing with annoying old people)
HEY OLD MAN……..Please for the love of Krishna, stay in bed long enough for me to get to work before you hit the streets in your 35 foot Cadillac and swerve your way to IHOP. YOU ARE RETIRED and IHOP is open 24 hours a day. That means you don’t need to drive the streets while the rest of the coherent drivers under the age of 80 are trying to bring home some bacon.
HEY OLD MAN……..Please don’t think that it’s normal for you to continually fart as you walk through the Wal-Mart aisles looking for Sensodyne. Just because you can’t hear anything doesn’t mean that the rest of us aren’t inhaling the fumes of the dead cat that crawled up your ass while you were pulling weeds in your garden.
HEY OLD MAN…….Stop bitching about your fixed income, Obama ruining the world and gas prices increasing. Surely, somewhere along the line you realized that as time goes on, things get more expensive. Time didn’t stop when you found that beautiful double-wide mobile home palace near the beach. You should have planned better.
HEY OLD MAN…….When you go to the beach, don’t give my kid dirty looks when they are playing and being loud. IT’S THE FUCKING BEACH, kids are allowed to be loud. If you say one word to any of my kids, I will dump a bag of popcorn in your lap and watch the Seagulls party and shit on your overly tanned, wrinkled body.
HEY OLD MAN…….Stop going to Sizzler for dinner, eating your entire meal and then complaining that the steak was “tough” and expect them to comp your meal. IT’S FUCKING SIZZLER, you would be better off grilling one of the Seagulls from the beach and dipping it in Ranch dressing.
HEY OLD MAN……… I’ve lived in Florida all of my life, PISS OFF and be a respectful citizen. Just because you lived through 500 kidney stones, 25 skin cancer removals, two broken hips and 20 Presidents doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole.