Oxycontin; A Hillbilly Drugstore Tale

My cousin was on vacation with his family last week and he took this picture while they were in Tennessee going into a drug store. You know, just when I start to give hillbillies some credit, they have to go and post a sign like this.

This is truly sad. I feel terrible for the poor people of this hillbilly town. They used to be able to round up the whole family, drive down from their hillside trailer to go shopping at their local drug store.

The same drug store where they could buy spam, Mountain Dew, beef jerky, rent movies, get a tan, apply for unemployment (again), get free flu shots, get checked for swine flu, buy chlorine for their gene pool and last, but not least, steal Oxycontin to grind down and snort for good fun.

What are these poor people going to do now? Who is going to tell them that they won’t be able to steal any more Oxycontin.

I fear this could lead to a major Hillbilly Rebellion. It could be worse than Darfur, worse than Bosnia, worse than Tienanmen Square or even worse than Iraq and Iran.

Could you imagine a mob of confederate flag toting, over-all wearing, Mountain Dew guzzling hillbillies descending into town in search of Oxycontin?

Dear God, dear Allah, dear Buddha, dear Hindu and dear Krishna, what in the hell is Tennessee going to do now?

I think I have the answer: Just put up a sign at the edge of a hill that says, “Jump For Free WWE Wrastling Tickets!!!”

PROBLEM SOLVED, the hillbilly uprising averted.

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2 thoughts on “Oxycontin; A Hillbilly Drugstore Tale

  1. Now would be a good time to let you know, in the “they used to be able to” list ; ‘blowing up their rooms at the extended stay hotel.’ It doesn’t happen anymore (from cooking dope) because the fuckers blew up one room too many,LOL!

  2. James, I totally believe that, makes perfect sense about blowing up their rooms. Thanks as always for reading and commenting.

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