When I Become President

(I wrote this a while ago and it’s still relevant)

I surely can’t be the only person who feels that America is 100% lost right now and things are not getting better any time soon. American society has become desensitized to a buffet of crap culture that continues to eat us from the inside out.

For example; we have the Kardashians running around pretty much everywhere, making more money than doctors, scientists and teachers. (I can’t help but think that Bruce Jenner is hiding in the closet videotaping his step-daughters while they change, YouTube gold.)

Every time a celebrity passes gas, we have TMZ there with cameras blazing, ready to document the fart assent into the smog-filled Los Angeles air.

We have politicians fighting on how to solve our debt problem. My mistake, I thought China already owned the United States. I must have missed something.

We have Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj fighting daily over who looks more like a Muppet gone bad project.

Our school systems continue to cut teacher benefits, cut music/theater programs and pile students into double-wides. It’s kind of hard to locate China on a map when all our kids are updating their Facebook status and taking pictures of their genitals during class.

I could go on and on and on, but I won’t. Instead, I would like to run for President.

Here is my platform:

*Legalize Marijuana: This will help everyone get along better and will put a stop to nearly all fighting in the country.

*Feed Our Hungry: There is no reason why we can’t do this, right now.

*No More War: Unless someone attacks the United States. Take all that money we would spend on war and use it to take care of Topic 2 above.

*Mandatory Sterilization: Anyone who rapes, molests children, or causes major physical harm to their children will lose their right to breed. Call it “Modern Population Control” if the first term bothers you. Come on, like anyone thinks someone like Casey Anthony should be allowed to continue to breed.

*Hold People Accountable for Their Stupidity– self explanatory

*Marriage– Every person will be allowed to marry whoever (over 18), they want regardless of gender.

Those are just my priority platform items. So, make me your “write-in” candidate for 2016. I am DuhMerica and I approve this message.


2 thoughts on “When I Become President

  1. I might suggest a couple of others–

    Get the women’s vote by making access to contraceptives (including morning after pill) a given. Free would be even better.

    Get the 99% vote by ending corporate personhood and effectively nullifying the Citizen’s United ruling.

  2. Well you’ve got my vote. I agree that too many people are breeding without foresight- the U.S. National Debt is 17 plus trillion$ (or maybe 19) compared to Canada’s 508 billion$ – and if I want to marry a man I should be able to. There is nothing sanctified about marriage, so why make such a big deal out of same sex marriage? Yeah, if you ever plan to run..let me know.

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