Why the Election Doesn’t Matter (Dear Mouthbreathers)

(The election doesn’t really matter because the mouthbreathers have already won)

Dear Mouthbreathers,

Thanks so much for voting on election day, the rest of us who read books truly appreciate it. (sarcasm)  I do worry though that you may be confused with the ballot. 

After all, it’s a bit more difficult to understand than the Waffle House picture menus you are used to.  Remember, you can’t vote for “covered” or “smothered”, because the major candidates are already consumed with both and you don’t have to choose.

Mouthbreathers for Obama: Thanks for casting your vote solely because his skin is a somewhat darker than the white candidate.  You do realize that he’s a half-white, correct?

You do realize that Obama is Harvard educated and has never even attempted to walk in your ghetto scarred shoes, correct?  You do realize that he’s about as close to ghetto as you are as close to knowing where Harvard is, correct?

Thanks again for casting your vote because you thought he was going to pay your gas bill.

Mouthbreathers for Romney: Wow, you dumb-ass, bible thumping crackers make me want to peel my pale skin from my bones and throw out all my Mountain Dew.

NEWSFLASH- He’s a fucking Mormon.  That’s right, magical-fucking-underwear.  Wow, well done religious right. 

Are you that fucking scared of a mulatto President that you will vote for a Mormon?  That’s some sadistic irony there. 

You hate blacks and gays so much that you will cast your vote for a guy who believes in a religion that makes Scientology seem normal.

The Election Doesn’t Matter:  Why?  Because you, the mouthbreathers have ruined any hope that America could actually evolve into an educated society.

Because you, the mouthbreathers are so intoxicated by the Kardashians, you can’t remember where you put your cigarette lighter.  Because you, the mouthbreathers can’t figure out that FOX News and MSNBC are full of shit.

Because you, the mouthbreathers still believe that Noah’s Arc is a true store.  Because, you the mouthbreather…… shit, you get the picture.  The examples are endless, yet Dancing With the Stars is still a hit.

I hope the Mayans were right, I’m ready.

Some say a comet will fall from the sky. Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves. Followed by fault lines that cannot sit still. Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits. Some say the end is near. Some say we’ll see Armageddon soon. I certainly hope we will cuz I sure could use a vacation from this Silly shit, stupid shit…Tool





2 thoughts on “Why the Election Doesn’t Matter (Dear Mouthbreathers)

  1. I don’t know if you’re really in touch with many Mormons, but living in Arizona I am SURROUNDED by them. Fun fact: there are more Mormons in Arizona than there are in Utah. Here’s the thing, once you’re in that cult, they OWN YOU.

    The Mormon Church got control of the Boy Scouts of America (don’t believe me? Look up who runs it… they’re ALL Mormon) and soon thereafter banned homosexuals and atheists from even being involved.

    So, cast your mouth breather vote for Romney. And watch what he Mormon Church does when it gets control of the White House.

    • I didn’t know that about Arizona, that’s interesting. I could never trust or vote for anyone who doesn’t partake in some form of caffeine, that’s just fucking ridiculous. The main problem is that most of the people who vote for Romney are voting because he’s white and because they think he can run a business. It’s too bad they won’t do the research and see how he really made his millions. I’m still amazed that the religious right, as crazy as they are, will vote for a Mormon. Incredible. It just shows that America is still ridiculously, racially divided.

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