As you may know, I live in Florida so that means I am inundated daily by the media about the Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman case.
Well, after some evidence was released today, I now have some theories.
The “Evidence” (I use the term in quotations because who really knows what is real in this case): Pictures were released of Zimmerman showing cuts on the back of his head and on his nose.
A convenience store surveillance camera shows Martin, in his hoody, purchasing a bag of Skittles. The store employee didn’t appear to be scared of the terrifying black kid in a hoody (sarcasm), in fact, he took his money and gave him some change.
And apparently, the autopsy showed that there was marijuana in Martin’s bloodstream.
The Marijuana Defense: While THC was found to be in Martin’s bloodstream, they exact time when he smoked some weed can’t be determined by any test.
This brings us to quite the dilemma:
1. Normally, people only buy Skittles when they are stoned; this is just an absolute stoner fact and cannot be argued.
2. If Martin was stoned during the confrontation with Zimmerman, there is no possible way that he could have actually thrown a punch.
What Really Went Down: So, it appears to me, in my most scientific investigation that Trayvon Martin simply laughed at Zimmerman.
He probably saw this half-white, half-latino, wannabe cop pointing his finger at him and Martin laughed.
“Hey man, your finger is moving all crazy in the air, what’s up dude,” Martin probably said.
“What did you say boy? I’m a senior neighborhood watch patrolman and I need you to stand down NOW. Remove your hoody and empty your pockets NOW,” said Zimmerman.
“What, you want some Skittles dude? Sure man, you can have them, but do you have any water? I got crazy cotton mouth,” Martin replied.
“I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT YOU PICKING COTTON, you black son of a bitch. GET ON THE GROUND NOW,” Zimmerman replied angrily.
“Hey man, why you trippin’ homey, I’m just trying to get to my girl’s house and get some of them skins, yo,” said Martin.
“I AM NOT A SKINHEAD, YOU FUCKING PORCH MONKEY, STAND DOWN NOW OR I WILL SHOOT,” said Zimmerman.
“Dude, monkeys are crazy, do you have one,” asked Martin.
POP, POP, POP.
Zimmerman shot him dead and the kickback of the gun threw him to the ground where hit cut up his face and head.
Case closed, Zimmerman should hang for being a damn fool and ending a kid’s life for no apparent reason.