TMI: Most Embarrasing Night Involving a Toilet

Thanks to howtodateboys for nominating me and encouraging me to share a terribly embarrassing moment in my life.

(I have some deep-seeded public restroom issues.)

The Scene: My wife and I at a tapas restaurant sitting at the bar.

The Event: I felt a pain in my stomach that almost knocked me off my bar stool.  Although loud music playing in the bar area, I think everyone in the place could hear the rumble inside my belly.

It was like a mini-gastric-earthquake ripping through my body.  I dropped my pants and the second my pasty, white cheeks touched the porcelain seat, EXPLOSION!!!  It was like a giant cow patty.  Final, relief was mine…….. for the moment.

The Problem: I cleaned myself and reached to flush.  HOLY, FUCKING, SHIT………… the toilet would not flush. MAYDAY, MAYDAY………the toilet would not flush.

I pulled the back lid off and started tinkering with the mechanical innards, but nothing worked.  My cow patty was not going anywhere.

Decision time; I washed my hands quickly and carefully cracked the door to see if anyone was waiting in the hallway.  The coast was clear so I walked briskly back to the bar and stood next to my wife at the bat.

“Wow, that sure was a long pee.  Aren’t you going to sit down,” she said.

“Nope, it’s time to go.  We have to leave now,” I said as I put down plenty of cash next to our plates.

As we were walking out the door, I looked back over my shoulder and noticed a few employees gathering in the bathroom where I left my destruction.

My Nominees:

A Spoonful of Suga; Mrmarymuthafuckingpoppins

Flamidwyfe’s Blog

John the Aussie

Commander in Chic

Magic in the Backyard

Emily He

Pigeon Heart

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14 thoughts on “TMI: Most Embarrasing Night Involving a Toilet

    • All my embarrassing sex stories involve me being naked, so it wouldn’t fit in 250 words, so I turned to the obvious public toilet story. I will be posting the full toilet story version later for everyone’s enjoyment.

  1. Holy shit! *high hat* thankyouverymuch…I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip the bathroom attendant. HEEEEEYYYY!!!! How YOU doin’!?

    I really should get back to work now…

      • ACK! Never ever ever nominate me. It’s too much damned pressure. I have a hard enough time coming up with stuff randomly without the added pressure of being nominated to actually come up with content. Gawd. I’m having a minor stroke just thinking about it.

        Also? “Holy shit!” was supposed to be “punny” but turned out sounding as if I was all, “Um…HELLOOOOOOOOO…why didn’t you nominate my sassyass for this damn thing!”, which HONESTLY was the farthest thing from my immature mind. I should have also added “heavy italian thug accent here” and that may have cleared up this whole convoluted drama I’ve just created in my mind.

  2. Pingback: Tagged: Most Embarrassing Night Involving a Toilet | Flamidwyfe's Blog

  3. Pingback: TMI: Most Embarrasing Night | A Spoonful of Suga

  4. The gods ruined my life to enable them to use me to wash their hands of culpability to the people for the 20th century. Now that they've accomplished this goal they are free to fuck my brains out, destroy my health in the name of punishment, when it was t on said:

    There was a very real perception that bi-racial was much worse for the white than it was for the person of color. The liberal culture, which was designed and promoted with the god’s tools to achieve their Apocalyptic goals, screamed racism when there was a very reasonable explanation for this reality::::
    In this white punishment known as the United States the person of color has already adopted the disfavors/temptations intended for another race. But by associating/mating with a person of color the white is newly adopting the disfavors of another culture.
    And this is the reason why people of color are not welcome in the United States. The gods control everything:::The perception they want to create, the thoughts they want you to have.
    People of color can’t recover from absorbing the temptations from two cultures. And why they become more and more like so many blacks in America:::Veterans at absorbing the temptations of two cultures.
    To further illustrate this is why California’s educational system/funding was ranked #1 when California was white:::Education being the basis of the affluent economic system. Now even public higher education has become unaffordable.

    The gods placed us all into our own corners of the globe. As such for thousands of years we spent time and reproduced with out own kind.
    This is why mobilty/travel, biracial unions/offspring and partaking of other cultures is a sin::::
    Each has it’s own elements of disfavor, and by experiencing other cultures you are being exposed to these disfavors, which if people may adopt will make their state even worse than prior.
    The United States has been considered a “melting pot” where rejects from around the world were sent when kicked out of their motherland.
    Remember, this concept of cultural diversity is an element of the liberal platform the gods used to promote societal decay, revealed on the map with the “beast” that is the SanFranciscoBayArea and the spread of social deterioration that spread to the rest of the country and eventually to the entire globe.

    As with so many things in this life “less is more”. Sex is one of those things. They used the liberal age to promote casual “free” sex intentionally::Combined with “women’s lib” and their initiation into the “trenches” of the workplace as well as other issues like alcohol consumption the people experienced a mass masculinization of the females.
    The gods use sex as temptation. This is why the most disfavored among us are preoccupied with it. While some may feel being well-endowed is a sign of favor the truth is just the opposite. And often the result is misogyny, a belittling of the favored gender, and stagnation of the people as a whole.
    Less is more. When young women experience passing thoughts which say you’re doing something wrong instead of fighting or dismissing the thought you should heed the warning. Sadly in today’s world too many experience prolonged periods of promiscuity in their lives, whereas if married by 15 like throughout human history this disfavor was avoided.
    Don’t forget:::It is children who ascend into heaven, and the absence of sexual activity is one reason. Their general innocence is another, which should help you see the destructive nature of adult life in today’s society.

    Ronald Reagan spent the communist block into submission with defense buildup, and in the process increased the National debt from $1 trillion in 1980 to $6 trillion when he left office.
    W charged both the Iraq and Afghanistan wars to the national debt, honest numbers to come.
    The gods used W to initiate the “Great Recession” with deliberate legislation/regulation changes, allowing the sub-prime fiasco and corporate irresponsibility/criminal behavior which led to the multi-trillion dollar stimulous package, pocketted by Republican friends and donors::::$5 trillion charged to the National credit card.
    This corruption is one element of evil in the party of good. War mongering is another.
    Damned if you do, Damned if you don’t::::With the Democrats you subscribe to social decay via liberlism, which WILL lead to the Apocalypse. Republicans are being used by the gods to bankrupt the United States, ultimately motivating people to the point of “desperation prayer” once anarchy presides::::Punishment designed to correct your behavior.

    Not only is doing the right things important (praying, attoning for your sins, thinking the right way:::accepting humility, modesty, vulnerability), so is avoiding the wrong things important as well:::”Go and sin no more”.

  5. Pingback: My Embarrasing Public Toilet Story (full version) | Duh'Merica

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