Here’s why you shouldn’t vote for Roy Moore

Roy-Moore

Vote for me and my six-shooter…….

Dear Alabamians, today is the day for you to show the entire country exactly how backwards you are.

It’s incredibly difficult to find out whether all the sexual abuse allegations are true, so let’s make it easy.  I want all you Alabama voters to just throw that out the door.  Yep, forget it all together.

Why???  Because Roy Moore’s beliefs/statements are so insane he gives you a plethora of other valid reasons NOT to vote for him.  Read the full article on Politico below:

The 7 most inflammatory things Roy Moore has said

Here’s a quick summary of some of his beliefs:

  1. He believes that Obama was not born in the United States.
  2. He believes that 911 was caused because God was mad at the United States because of gays, sodomy and abortion.
  3. He thinks that the “providential hand of God” put Trump in the White House.

Do you really need any more reason not to vote for Moore?  Most reasonable people understand that Moore is a religious lunatic.  But then again, we are talking about Alabama here.

If I were a betting man, I would bet the house that Moore does win.  If you’ve ever been to Alabama you would fully understand.

Thanks a lot Duh’Merica, we deserve this asshole.

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Hurricane Irma- it’s nature dumb assess

I’m a native Floridian and just experienced Hurricane Irma firsthand.  I was very fortunate; no damage at my home and I was lucky enough not to lose power.   Hell,  I didn’t even lose my satellite television signal.

I am continually amazed at all of the fucking moronic posts on social media regarding the hurricane.  So much damn praying, so much bitching, so much illogical reasoning.

Take a look at this picture that was shared multiple times:

irmaheartPeople actually rejoiced that this split-second satellite image appears to show a heart.

Here’s a quote from someone on one of my social media feeds, “Powerful Hurricanes continue to unleash devastating winds and rain … But the strongest force in Nature is LOVE ❤️

Holy fuck, I’m sure this person sends tons of money to some asshole televangelist.

I can’t believe that people post shit like this.  Love has nothing to do with natural disasters.  Absolutely nothing.

And neither does praying.  If praying was real and actually affected real life, then what about the poor people who were destroyed by this hurricane?  I guess they didn’t pray hard enough.

It’s a natural disaster, nothing can stop it and nothing can change it.  They’ve been happening since the beginning of time and will continue to happen until the Earth is fucking gone.

People have become so fucking stupid it blows my mind.

And now there are tons of people in Florida who don’t have power and you should hear all of them bitching at once about not having air conditioning.  It’s fucking nauseating.

A random, malnourished 7 year-old boy in Africa was asked how he felt about all the people in Florida who didn’t have working air conditioners:

“What the hell is an air conditioner?  And what is electricity?  Excuse me, I have to chase down that hyena over there and collect his urine so I can have something to drink this week,” said the boy.

 

The Kim Jong Un weather machine problem

kimjongAccording to sources very, very close to President Trump, the White House is Deeply concerned about Hurricane Harvey and the recent uptick in bad weather torturing the United States.

About 5 days before Hurricane Harvey made landfall, The Trump administration received a nasty email from North Korea promising massive weather destruction to the United States.

“It has come to our attention that North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has created a giant disastrous, American killing weather machine,” said an anonymous White House staffer.

hurricaneThe anonymous White House staffer went on to say, “I mean when you have a Category 500 hurricane like Harvey, who else could have created it?  This is the worst hurricane in the history of weather.  There has already been at least 430 inches of rainfall in the past 12 hours.”

Even more sources close to the President have said that Trump is considering building a giant wall of coal-powered hair dryers to set up along the entire United States coast to keep more bad weather from destroying us.

“We will build a giant wall of those hair-dryer things, that get really hot, really fast that will protect our borders.  Kim Jong Un’s weather machine must be stopped.  These hair-dryers will be coal powered (creating about 250 million new jobs) and will truly make America great again,” said Trump.

He later added that, “Obama’s lack of attention to North Korea for the past eight years is the exact reason why this horrible, horrible weather machine was created.  Oh, and Hillary deleting emails,” said Trump.

We can only hope that our Dear Leader Trump can protect us from Kim Jong Un……… we can only hope.

P.S. We attempted unsuccessfully to attain a quote from Mike Pence regarding the weather machine.  We were told he was unable to speak with our female reporter over the phone due to “promiscuity concerns.”

 

The Terrible EX (our president)

madtrump(I posted this a while ago.  It cracks me up that he gives my theory more credence every day.  His is the Terrible Ex)

Trump falsely claimed that his victory was “the biggest electoral college win since Ronald Reagan.”  When reporter Peter Alexander called him out on this, Trump stumbled; talked about campaign promises and did everything he could to skirt the critique.

Our President- so elegant, so polished and so prepared (sarcasm).  Doesn’t this type of behavior sound familiar???

Back in January when CNN reporter Jim Acosta tried to ask a question at a press conference, this is how our “leader” responded:

“Your organization is terrible.” Don’t be rude.  I’m not going to give you a question.  You are fake news,” before taking a question from a Breitbart reporter.  Doesn’t this type of behavior sound familiar???

In the interest of brevity, I won’t list the numerous other times our “leader” has acted in this manner.

I’m not surprised at all that Trump decries fake news only when it suits him.  He absolutely loved the fake news that millions of Duh’Mericans spread on social media that helped him win the election.

This is exactly what the Terrible Ex-Husband/Wife does; deny everything that makes them look bad.  Call everyone who criticizes them a name.   If you attempt to show them that they are incorrect, they call you another name and tell you ten other things they are great at.

Sadly, our President and “leader” of the free world is that Terrible Ex-Husband/Wife who we all can’t stomach.

But Trump is absolutely brilliant at one thing; Exploiting the poorly educated, narrow-minded, delusional bigots who love the catchy headline that fits their respective narratives.

This is Duh’Merica and Trump is King of the Duh’Mericans.

And unfortunately, you can never fully get rid of that Terrible Ex.  Never.

Locked & Loaded- military options on table against Alaska

alaskaAccording to sources close to the White House; military options “on the table” regarding rogue Nation-State Alaska.

Trump tweeted, “we r not ruling out military options until Alaska reconnects to rest of country.”

Three seconds after that tweet, Trump again tweeted on the volatile situation, “doesn’t it seem odd that Alaska is so far from rest of the country? #weirdos”

White House staffers were shockingly caught off guard with our Dear Leader’s latest tweets.

One staffer commented under conditions of anonymous leakage, “At first we were taken aback by the President’s comments.  Then when we researched the issue more closely and realized he was correct……. Alaska IS separated from the rest of the United States.”

Another staffer commented that this has been an ongoing problem created by the Obama administration.  “For eight years, the Alaskan connection issue was seemingly ignored by Obama.  Now we are unfortunately seeing this issue rear it’s ugly head once again.  But don’t worry, Trump has vowed to Make Alaska Connect Again.”

And as this story was going to press our Dear Leader again tweeted, “#fakenews media won’t report on sad,sad,sad #alaskanotconnected story #hannity #foxnews #cnnfake”

Stay tuned for more breaking updates about this story.

Trump is not the problem here

trumpWatching this White House operate has truly been amazing.  Every day some new bull shit surfaces.  Some new reason to be worried, some new statement that makes me scratch my balls, smell my hand and say HMMMMM.

But honestly, Trump is not to blame for this.  We are to blame.  Duh’Merica is the problem here.  It doesn’t matter who sits in the big chair, the people of Duh’Merica, myself included, are the idiots here.

After all, Trump was elected fairly.  So that means more people selected him over any other candidates.  Well done Duh’Merica, well done.

People are so easily manipulated by social media that they can never seem to actually see what is real.  Truth has just become whatever narrative each person chooses to accept.

Like Charles P. Pierce said, “Anything is true if it is said loud enough.”

Well guess what?  Trump was louder than Hillary in every single, fucking way.  And all you Duh’Mericans ate that shit up.

He just keep repeating the same boring Republican mantra over and over and over and over.  And you all bought in with wreck-less fucking abandon.

When he proclaimed he would “lock her up,” all of privileged White-America collectively jizzed their pants.  And now we are left with a 4 year stain that is going to be far worse than what Bill Clinton shot all over Monica’s dress.

We deserve this Duh’Merica, we ABSOLUTELY FUCKING DESERVE THIS.