Dear Mr. Trump, I’ve sat idly and watched as you have reached out to members of the community; white people, black people, Democrats and Republicans. It deeply saddens me that you have overlooked a significant part of the population who suffers from an extraordinary amount of discrimination. Hipsters. Yes, I repeat……….HIPSTERS. I guess you have […]
(Jude writes a mini-column and submits it to his editor at the Hip Page) Dear Kayne, You have really done it now Kayne. When you “fake” interrupted Beck’s acceptance speech at the Grammy’s, you did something that you probably didn’t realize. You stepped, I mean, hurdled over the Hipster Line. Beck has been a stalwart […]
(Scene: Jude writes a letter to White America, hoping the Hip Page will print it now since he is an employee) Dear White America, Although I am white, I KNOW what discrimination is. I KNOW what racism is. I feel terrible for all those poor African-American men who have been murdered by the police. I […]
Yeah, I’m real fucking confused. Our president, D Trump, took a meeting with annoyingly mustachioed “comedian” Steve Harvey. Hold the fucking phone here.
What the what? What the fuck? Fuck the what?
According to reporters, the first thing our golden-haired president did was call Ben Carson and put him on speaker. Well, hell yeah. It makes sense that he called the only black person he knows to join the conversation.
And then they talked about how to help people in the inner cities.
Yes, you heard that correctly. President Golden Shower spoke with two incredibly wealthy black dudes who haven’t lived in a ghetto since they were children. Wow, now that’s progress.
I’m sure that every poor, real ghetto person feels better today. They probably walked outside and quoted Ice Cube, “Today, I didn’t even have to use my AK. I got a say it was a good day.”
(Someone should probably tell Dr. Carson who Ice Cube is.)
Probably the best part for me will be when all the pasty, white conservatives will pound their chest and say, “See, Mr. Trump really cares about the black community. He’s going to make a difference.”
Duh’Merica, you are a dirty, dirty whore. Go to the clinic and get tested immediately.
Dear Hip Pages, (in response to Why American Sniper Didn’t Win) I was recently saddened to see that you have let a hipster infiltrate your movie review department. I thought a news organization was supposed to present both sides of a story?? How can you let a smelly, bearded, never bathing Hipster comment on movies […]
Dear America, I can’t stand it any longer; Orlando, Baton Rouge and now Fort Myers. When will the madness end, you may ask? Well, I can answer that for you. Since my early hipster days in middle school I championed an incredible idea. An idea so ahead of its time I was often laughed at […]
Because their first date went so well, Clemmy decided to do something very sweet for her new crush. She decided to write him a note. But, in true Hipster fashion, she did not email the note or snail mail the note (although sending a postcard would have been very 1980’s), she decided to take it […]