STOP F***ing praying

prayerPlease, I implore you….. please stop praying.  If you haven’t noticed, it aint fucking working.

“God works in mysterious ways.” 

Wow, he certainly does. So far his mysterious ways should lead any coherent person to ask God the following:

“Just what the fuck are you waiting on.  I mean shit, we’ve been praying our asses off and you just seem to be napping.  Oh, I’m sorry father, I have faith in you.  I shouldn’t question your omniscient graceful hand.”

With each new mass killing of innocent people; the prayers ramp up, the social media profile pictures change and people everywhere blabber about change.

But guess what?  Nothing…… fucking……changes.  Your prayers are only useful for helping you feel better about yourself.  Prayer does nothing tangible.  It never has and it never will.

As long as people continue to be less educated, less informed and angry, none of this shit will change.

But don’t worry, Tim Tebow and Scott Baio will be speaking at the Republican National Convention……….. all of our troubles will be solved.

4 idiots on the espys (go back to your mansions)

On the ESPY’s the other night, we were enlightened by Lebron James, Carmello Anthony, Chris Paul and Dwayne Wade about racism and cops.  Thanks a whole fucking lot assholes.

Rich Black Dudes Talk About Justice

It cracks me up when millionaire athletes speak about issues they long left behind them once they signed their first contracts.  These are the same athletes who are encouraged to drop any of their ghetto friends and family the moment they make the big time.

2016-espys-lebron-james-dwyane-wade-chris-paul-carmelo-anthony-videoYet here they are, speaking to the public about black men being shot by non-black police.

Now, please keep in mind, these same four people have never spoken to a national audience about stopping any other violence in the communities they once lived in, but only now when a cop is involved.

I view myself as a human and this a human problem.  Black cops kill black people.  White cops kill white people.  Hispanic cops kill Hispanic people.  This happens all the time.  But sadly, these rubes pander to the media’s narrative that the only lives that matter are the black ones who are killed by non-black cops.

People of all colors should be highly offended by this.  But it’s too difficult to actually give a shit about reality.  It’s too difficult to realize that we are all humans.  We are Americans first.  But fuck that, that’s too hard to grasp and doesn’t garner enough clicks and views.

So, as those four athletes talk about making changes and stopping the violence what exactly are they going to do?  They are going to say what’s popular, get in their limos and drive back to their gated community where they live all the other rich people who are not affected by violence.

Four athletes who make money by throwing a ball into a hoop just changed the world.  Actually, they didn’t do shit and what they said doesn’t mean shit.  If you don’t believe me, check back in five years and let me know what they actually did to change anything.

 

 

 

a real Hipster love story….

hipster-tash_3046941bIf you want a break from the idiocy that is Duh’Merica, go visit my other blog.  It’s a terrific Hipster love story.

It’s the story of Jude the Hipster, his love Clemmy and his arch nemesis Billy Fucking Emo.

Hipster love is stinky, vintage, ironic and absolutely fucking hilarious.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, it’s probably going to be picked up by Netflix, Hulu or Amazon Prime very soon.  (Author’s note: yes, the above statement is extraordinary wishful thinking, but hey, it could happen.)

Here are a couple of my favorite bits, I promise you will laugh:

Face in the Pillows- Hipster Sex

Jude the Hipster’s Letter to Kayne

The Swim Off- Jude battles Billy Emo

 

Tebow prays and guy still dies

tebow

Duh’Merica has struck again and with ridiculous precision.  So, the all American, white christian, ex-crappy NFL quarterback Tim Tebow did something amazing the other day.

Something so amazing that the Duh’Merican media collectively shit and jizzed in their pants simultaneously.

What did he do you ask????  Well, a man on his flight suffered a heart attack and Timmy (Baby Jesus), gathered several people on the plane and prayed.  Yes, he led a prayer session.

The media went absolutely apeshit while millions of Duh’Mericans nodded their heads in appreciative unison.

“Tim Tebow is the greatest man since Jesus himself.  He prayed on a plane with some strangers.  I still can’t believe no NFL team will sign him,” said Clyde from Missouri.

Tim Tebow Leads Passengers in Prayer as Man on Flight Suffers Heart Attack

Now you are probably wondering exactly what happened to the poor heart attack man.  Well, he was resuscitated by a man on the flight other than Timmy Prayer boy, but you will have to look at the bottom of every story to find that nugget.

Maybe the media should have a least given a shout out to the guy who actually did something tangible…… like trying to save a life with CPR.

Sadly, the heart attack man later died at the hospital.  So really, Timmy Terrible NFL Quarterback actually didn’t do shit.  Apparently he didn’t pray hard enough, because his God decided it was time for the heart attack man to leave Earth.

And even more sadly, the Duh’Merican media lost their collective heads because a white dude prayed with some people on a plane.

What a fucking joke.  Maybe one day Duh’Mericans will be able to stop drooling over a bad NFL quarterback who still hasn’t ejaculated yet.  Maybe all the backed up semen in his body interfered with the prayer getting through to God.

Cheers

 

 

stop praying for Orlando, please

orlando-tributes-9The shooting in Orlando was an absolute tragedy.

The poor child who was attacked by the alligator and died, also an absolute tragedy.

The singer who was shot and killed signing autographs, that’s another absolute tragedy.

But, for the love of all things rational, please stop praying for these victims.  If you didn’t notice, god was caught napping again.  Apparently he didn’t give a shit about these victims.

“Hey god, where the fuck were you on that one?  I mean you had 3 different tragedies to stop and totally failed.  Well done god.”

So why are you praying?  Because it makes you fell better about yourself?  Because you like to be part of drama?  Because you have nothing else worth while to contribute?

When you change your social media profile picture to an LGBT flag, do you know what that does?  Absolutely fucking nothing.  Absolutely fucking nothing.

Oh yeah and I almost forgot, for all you assholes who posted the story about Chic Fil-A working on Sunday and delivering food to people at the blood drives, fucking spare me.  Their owners still believe that all gay people will burn in eternal hell.

“Here’s your chicken sandwich, sorry you are still going to hell because Leviticus says so.”

I always love when people turn tragedies into right vs. left (sarcasm).

Again, your prayers mean absolutely nothing.  Instead of wasting time praying to your god who doesn’t care, go give blood or volunteer somewhere.  Feed a hungry kid or find something productive to do.  Put your cell phones down and make a real difference.

Well done Duh’Merica, you’ve done it again.

(Personal note: I feel terrible for all the victims and can’t imagine what their families are going through.  It pisses me off how people and the media turn all these events into political rhetoric and how quickly the victims are forgotten.)

 

gorilla shit out of control (fake outrage)

Even though this entire story is fueled only by fake outrage, I feel compelled to comment.  There is no story here and there should be no issues with anything the zoo did.

Bottom line; a human life (especially a 3 year-old child) is more important than an animal’s life. It wasn’t the child’s fault. The situation doesn’t matter. How the child got in the enclosure does not matter.  Yeah, the mom screwed up and didn’t watch her child as well as she should.  Human life is more important.  If you think otherwise, well, then you are just a fucking idiot.

Oh never mind, the zoo should have let the gorilla kill the kid to teach the mom a lesson (sarcasm).

Yet again, fake outrage again strikes Duh’Merica with a vengeance.  Listen to any qualified person who works with gorillas and they will tell you that the zoo did the right thing.

This is such a cut and dry issue, yet it still is being regurgitated without hope of stopping anytime soon.

 

kayne sucks again (satan’s thorny dick)

If hell and Satan did in fact exist, I can absolutely picture Satan’s cock having thousands of fiery, sharp thorns protruding from its shaft.  And I can also absolutely picture Kayne West kneeling at Satan’s feet and deep throating his thorny cock until a billion demon seeds riddle his insides.  (the satan cock reference is inspired by Bill Hicks)

This narcissistic fuck-stick just never stops.  I’m starting to truly believe that I live in the Matrix and that some programmer has created “Experiment-Kayne” just to fuck with us all.  Well, the programmer is winning.

Oh and spare me the “he’s a genius” bull shit.  If that thought ever enters your mind, make sure to watch the below video.  It does have over 56 million views, which is another sign that we are living in end times.

Kayne did have a couple of good songs, but only a couple.  You know who else had a couple of good songs????  Gerardo; remember Rico Suave??

I’m constantly baffled when I listen to Kayne speak about himself.  He truly feels he is as important as Walt Disney, Steve Jobs and Picasso.  I do wonder what exactly he has done to think so highly of himself.

Well, he did marry a girl with a big ass who became famous for fucking an even shittier rapper and putting the video on the internet.  He can never “unbind” himself from that truth.

When will he ever stop?  Maybe Satan’s cock will one day break Kayne in half and leave him in a heap of itsy, bitsy pieces and we all be spared any more incoherent genius babbling.

(yes, I do realize I am a part of the problem by even writing about Kayne, but I can’t help it.)