Distraction

One great big festering neon distraction.  I’ve a suggestion to keep you all occupied.  Learn to swim. AEnema by Tool

I drive a lot for work throughout the state of Florida.  During that driving, I have a lot of time to think.

Maybe it’s different in your state, but in Florida about 90% of the billboard adverts on the roads are as follows:

* Lawyer Adverts- “have you been in a car accident,” etc.  Call a lawyer before calling 911, even if you are bleeding to death.  Make sure you get that settlement.

* Religious Anti-Abortion Adverts- “after 18 days, my heart is beating”  Holy shit Christians, way to make people feel good about their predicaments.

So many people are simply distracted from what is important in life.  It’s hard for me to be angry at what I see because those adverts wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for the demand.

It’s all supply and demand.  Most of American society has been reduced to the lowest common denominator.  Just look at what entertains us, just look at what we are distracted by, just look at what we want to be.

Listen to AEnema by Tool, it’s amazingly perfect.  The end isn’t near, it’s already here.

 

 

 

the good life

“I’m looking in… on the good life I might be… doomed never to find.” new slang by the shins

Each time I listen to that song that one line resonates deeply for me.  I think we’ve all been at a point in our lives when we’ve been looking for some place where we’d rather be.

Our current circumstances may seem so unbearable, so intolerable that we wander down the street looking for that better life.  We peer through the window of the family with the seemingly perfect life.  The family with the big car, the bright diamonds, the rolex and the glaring smiles.

Then hopefully you realize what a crock of shit that is.  That smiling family is usually more fucked up than you.  The husband gave the wife herpes.  The rolex is fake.  They are still paying for the diamond at 25% interest and they sleep in different rooms.

Perspective is an incredible concept to understand.  I’m 38 now and it took me a damn long time to figure out the beauty of perspective.

All those wasted years I spent looking for that good life almost doomed me.  Almost.

you are a target market

It’s about 10 at night and McDonald’s starts rolling out their visually delicious Egg McMuffin commercials as you sit on the couch with one hand scratching your balls and the other hand holding the remote.

You change the channel because your attention span is that of a 3 year-old and you need to find something to watch between commercials of the inane reality show you were watching.

The next channel is Taco Bell enticing you with another visually delicious picture of a taco wrapped with a Dorito shell.

Holy Shit, what to do now? 

One- you can turn the television off and go to bed.

Or, Two- you can drive your lazy ass to Taco Bell and buy four of those tasty tacos, remember they are open LATE.

Or, Three- you can waddle your fat ass over the refrigerator, stick your head in and peruse the shelves for something to eat.   Three is the best bet, because you don’t have to leave the house and you can always get that McDonalds breakfast when you wake up.

So, option Three it is.  Yummy, how about re-heating that hamburger helper you had for dinner, that will work.

After eating some more fat, sodium and calories, you go to bed and wonder why you can’t stop belching and wonder why your chest hurts.  It’s ok, just roll over on your side and fart yourself to sleep.

Hey FAT BOY, did you realize that you are a target market?

Don’t try to argue, you are the reason why those commercials exist, you are the reason health care costs are skyrocketing, you are the reason why the next commercial to entice you is discounted medical supplies for diabetics.  Because you are going to need insulin, FAT BOY.

And stop dreaming, sorry, but you are never going to marry Paula Dean, she’s taken.

But don’t worry, I’m sure there is a lawyer out there who will gladly take on your lawsuit against fast food companies for making you obese.  It’s their fault you can’t stop shoveling shit in your mouth.

DUH’America- We have all become a target market and can’t get enough of it.  Again, this is why China will win.

banging a pit-bull (the republican perspective)

mugshotI am a born and bred Florida cracker.  Sadly, Florida always seems to have some of the worst news stories in the country.  There are many, many crazy ass people in my state.

So I wasn’t surprised when a man was arrested for having sex with his pit bull the other day.

Now, this is obviously a terrible, terrible story.  Even though it’s terrible, I’m going to approach it from a different angle.  I would like to analyze this story in the same manner I think many white, republican men may view it.

The Republican thought process:

“Yeah, but what was the pit bull wearing?  I mean shit, you can’t be a female dog, wearing those fuck me boots and not expect a man to want to get some booty.  She was probably asking for it.  That poor guy couldn’t help himself.”

“How dare that dog go out in the backyard prancing around and flirting so heavily with its owner.  I mean hell, who wouldn’t bang that bitch?”

“That bitch is his property.  It says so in the Bible.  He can do with her as he pleases.”

 

 

updating the religious owner’s manual

bibleOne of my first cars was a 1988 Toyota Camry.  Although it was a boring car, it was like a Mercedes to me.  It was used, but still had the owner’s manual in the glove box.  For that time in my life, it was a good car and helped me get wherever I needed to go.

What if I compared the Bible to the owner’s manual in my old Camry?

The Bible is thousands of years old and for millions of people it is the owner’s manual of their life.  They do their best to follow its every word and attempt to be the best Christian possible.  After all, the Bible is the word of God and the only true word.

My 1988 Camry owner’s manual doesn’t do me much good if I try to use it to help me with a 2014 Camry.  The car has gone through numerous changes throughout the years and the 2014 model barely resembles the 1988 one.

Sounds similar to the way humans have evolved and changed from 2000 years ago to current times. 

But sadly, millions of people attempt to use an outdated document as the owner’s manual for their life.

No wonder this country has so many problems.  The owner’s manual is obsolete.

Such a simple concept that so many people can’t seem to grasp.

Adventures at WalMart (a true story)

A while ago, I had to exchange a television at WalMart because the one I bought there a few days ago did not have a remote.  This should have been a truly easy task to accomplish; but idiocy, poor breeding and patriotism stood directly in my path.

Act I. The Beginning of the Transaction: I walked in with the television and my receipt and made my way to the customer service counter.

The employee was a young girl probably 19 or so with bad hair, but she was nice.  She took my receipt, stared at the “return/exchange” policy board behind her and told me that I had to exchange it for something that cost the exact same amount or something that costs more.

She explained that she couldn’t give me a refund in any way, shape or form.

“Whatever,” I thought to myself, I just wanted the exact same television, but this time with the remote it’s supposed to come with.

Act II. The Service Poodle:  I found the exact same television and made my way back to customer service to finalize the exchange.  Continue reading